I lost my temper unfortunately couples of days ago, after disappointments several times.  

it was a mixture of anger nd disappointment, i didn't throw up then, but employed 3 beers to put it out.

 

now, I learned, knowing that there is still a long way to go to be tolerant nd optimistic enough to fuck off  any annoyment, anger, depressure, disappointment nd etc.

I couldn't control myself sometimes when i felt i couldn't  bear it up, nd always tell myself, "Calm down, stupid, don't make things mess up!", but still failed on some occassions including that one.

 

In short, there is no need to anger or whatever.

After all, this world is ridiculous sometimes, on some occassions with ridiculous people making this world more colorful, if i can say so.

 

 

Today, i met with my college classmate, who has ever conquored cancer.

 

It was a nice talk, we chatted about fearness before death, how to overcome that when maybe u have no choice but facing it. it attracted me so much to know, how could she. a common girl, overcome that huge obstacle in her life? she told me she believe she wouldn't die, nd there is a point, a peak of fearness, once you surpass it nd u would never fear any more.

 

I have missed one primary school classsmate, who passed away from us when he was just 22 yrs old. it was a shock for me, how to think about death nd why fate is so unfair for someone(most of them are good guys.) , nd it was a great pain to loss him, one of my best friend in my life.

fortunately, this tragedy didn't replay itself this time, nd it is a great miracle in my real life.

certainly, it will encourage me that if u r determined, then there is a possibility to win.

 

Best regards to my classmate, a brave warrior to fight against cancer, to fight against fate.

 

 

I would like to restructure myself, and my life.

Although this is not the first time i made such kind of decision, I really mean it this time.

 

Specifically speaking, I would feel this world with my full soul and heart, read every details i could recall in mind everyday. That is my daily work. nothing more, but nothing less.

instead, i would quit any kind of unrealistic or reasonable schedules, for i could not figure out how long i will take to finish one task. so no schedules in any kind or any form. I just focus on reading nd feeling this world totally. after that, i would form a schedule before action.

 

I think i would do things as what i decided, nd hope this round restruction will work.

and it is time to get it work now.

 

Fool's day again, but nobody took me in this time.

sounds incomplete this year.

 

to talk about fools, my views changed somehow.

 

as i was in high school, it seems that everybody hated to commit that he or she is common in IQ, instead, they would like to show off his talent in study. in addition, teachers are more likely loan more attention to these smart guys.

maybe, i belonged to this pattern, building my confidence of study easily.

 

after graduation from college, things seem quite different.

first, i couldn't figure out whether i m a fool or not, mayb, the same case happened to others who tried to get adjusted to this new world after school.

it is both fantastic to be either clever (wise more specifically), or foolish, while, the embarrassment would hit these people, who are in the middle.

certainly, i belongs to the middle group this time.

then, being foolish is inevitable in my sense, at least it proved true myself. i have been being foolish thousands of  times since i was 20 years old.

each time, i would tell myself, u have been stupid again, but i couldn't make it sure that similar things wouldn't replay themselves.

 

anyway, being a fool is acceptable for me now, mayb, this will bring me something fun as i always think.

the world welcomes fools in some way.

 

 

 

 

Today is women's day, i don't why exactly, i recalled my ex-girlfriend and missed her much.

Coincidentially, i passed by Liuliqiao area this morning, and that feeling came even stronger, for that is where our first date took place, in a park more specifically. I even tried to get off at the park and re-read the atmosphere then, but failed to do so, fearing that i need some time again to recover.

 

Well, my mind is totally in a mess, so is my world. sorry, i don't know how to go on this blog...